On Sunday, my daughter and I went to Costco for the first time in at least a year. We stocked up & filled the fridge. 

The next day, the fridge, a built-in commercial grade Jenn Air, decided to die an expensive death. 

I was lucky that my son and his friend were here. They went out to pick up a backup fridge for the garage. We then loaded the garage fridge with our Costco haul and awaited a repairman. 

That night, someone left the new garage fridge door ajar just enough to re-melt everything in the garage’s Texas heat. Is it ok to eat? I… don’t know.

My car has been acting wonky as well with an electrical issue. And I sold my husband’s car so I have one less thing to take care of.

These are all things that my husband would have properly dealt with for me, and I find myself a bit angry that I’m handling everything, on top of taking care of him. It’s the first week where I feel like I can’t do this.

There have been a lot of changes in a week, none of which have been entirely comfortable. My life has been disrupted. 

I have an empty fridge, and an empty spot in the garage. 

Before I think to fill them again, I am letting them be empty. It’s a bit disconcerting.

I am noticing how the motivation for a trip the fridge for either a snack or cold drink happen frequently as I work. The trip is longer now into the garage, and it’s hot out there. That’s where I keep garbage. So I don’t go. 

There is a blank space in my stomach. I’m allowing myself to be hungry.

When we have a disruption like this, we often have a rush to fill our lives with new activity, new distractions, and new experiences instead of allowing empty spaces to give us freedom. In freedom, there is choice. And in freedom, there is healing. 

I’m letting the blank space be what it is… for now. Even if I am a little screamy about it.

It’s not easy. I feel you, Tay. I feel you.

Where are you being asked to let go? Can you let go and let the blank space just be and not fill it with something else? 

That blank space, if you let it be, gives you freedom. Let your blank spaces be blank spaces.

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